Even me, I’m nearly forty

1. Lost Years

Kien reflects on the time lost during the war and his age nearing forty.

Reflection on Lost Time

As Kien looks back on the years that were consumed by the war, he cannot help but feel a sense of loss and regret. The opportunities missed, the experiences foregone, and the relationships that faded away weigh heavily on his mind. The war has taken its toll not only on his physical being but also on his soul, leaving him with a profound sense of emptiness.

Coming to Terms with Age

Approaching the age of forty, Kien finds himself grappling with the reality of his mortality. The passing of time becomes more and more apparent to him as he reflects on the years wasted in conflict and chaos. The realization that life is finite and that he may have already lived half of his life fills him with a sense of urgency to make the most of the time he has left.

Pink flowers in a meadow on a sunny day

2. Frustration

Kien’s frustration with his writing process is evident as he struggles to maintain the neat designs he envisions. The creative flow that once came easily to him now seems stifled, and his ideas are not translating onto paper as he had hoped.

As Kien grapples with this frustration, he finds himself constantly revising and editing his work, never quite satisfied with the end result. The blurring of his neat designs mirrors the uncertainty and chaos he feels within himself, further adding to his frustration.

Despite his best efforts, Kien’s inability to produce work that meets his own high standards only serves to exacerbate his feelings of frustration. He longs for the clarity and precision that once defined his writing process, but it continues to elude him, leaving him feeling lost and disheartened.

Through the struggles of his writing journey, Kien must confront his frustration head-on and find a way to embrace the imperfections and uncertainties that come with the creative process. Only then can he hope to break free from the constraints of his frustration and rediscover the joy and satisfaction that writing once brought him.

Green dinosaur toy with red eyes and sharp teeth

3. Unattainable Perfection

Kien’s never-ending pursuit of perfection in his writing reflects a deep inner torment that consumes him. Despite the toll it takes on his health, he is unable to let go of his obsession with achieving flawless writing. This relentless quest for perfection puts immense pressure on Kien, leading to sleepless nights, anxiety, and deteriorating physical health.

His relentless pursuit of perfection mirrors his inner struggles and the pain he carries from his past experiences. The loss of loved ones and traumatic memories fuel his desire to create something perfect, something that will make up for the imperfections in his own life. However, this pursuit becomes a source of suffering, as he descends into an unhealthy obsession that only serves to further isolate him from the world around him.

Despite the warnings of friends and loved ones, Kien cannot let go of his quest for unattainable perfection. His inability to accept anything less than perfection only serves to deepen his torment and exacerbate his physical decline. In the end, Kien’s fixation on perfection proves to be his undoing, as he sacrifices his own well-being in pursuit of an ideal that can never be achieved.

Mountain landscape with snowy peaks reflecting in calm lake

4. A Perfectionist’s Struggle

The threat of being pinned to his writing-desk and Kien’s relentless pursuit of perfection.

As Kien sat at his writing-desk, the weight of perfectionism bore down on him like a heavy burden. Every word he wrote had to be flawless, every sentence meticulously crafted. The fear of failure loomed large, threatening to paralyze his creativity.

Kien’s pursuit of perfection was relentless. He would spend hours agonizing over the placement of a single word, the structure of a paragraph. His quest for perfection left him exhausted, drained of energy.

Despite the pressure, Kien could not bring himself to compromise on the quality of his work. He was determined to create something truly exceptional, something that would stand the test of time. And so, he continued to toil away at his writing-desk, pushing himself to the limits of his ability.

But the more Kien struggled to perfect his writing, the more trapped he felt. The writing-desk became a symbol of his inner struggle, a physical representation of the mental barriers he could not break free from.

And so, Kien’s battle with perfectionism raged on, threatening to consume him completely.

Closeup of a colorful butterfly on a flower

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